Evil by nature

June is screaming at her loudest. April has taken it. I just couldn't take the noise anymore, walking towards June- my instinct is to slap her out of it. Yes, that's my instinct - and I can't help wonder if I'm evil by nature. Its already 8, Dan is still not back. I stop myself from the slap that I am suppose to deliver because I saw the contentment in April's eyes next to June's obvious 'almost hysteria' state.

Yes I have stop because I have witness one of the first 'evil' inners of a young human being. April is only 8 months old yet she recognized that I have the soft spot for her & only her. She knew she could get away with anything just because she can.

25 years on, I am back in the same dilemma.

June has grown to be a fine lady. She has provided me a shoulder to cry on when Dan left me for a younger woman, she supported me financially, she provided me the company when I needed it, she run errands for me & she is owning her own keep. While April - she is still sweet when she wants something,  she took 8 years to graduate, she demands for attention when she has none from her ex-drop-out-husband. What can I say - she is my sweet little April.

Yes- April snatch something that is not hers yet again. She has slept with June's boyfriend of 5 years. June has gone into recluse while April is gallivanting around the house with Tim. I'm only glad that June is not staying with us because I am not able to take sides. I just know that June will survive this, she is strong not like April - that sweet little weak girl she is. I know I didn't need to call June to ask how she is or even need to go to her apartment to see how she is dealing this. Her catching both in bed at my home is not easy to deal with I'm sure - just as I caught Dan back then. But she is June! She can handle it. Yes she can. 

Its 2 weeks post that boyfriend-snatching incident. I am in the hospital .. at the morgue. I am one of the kin called in to identify the body .. the body.. of June. Dan arrived first. He looked lost or disbelieve.. I am not sure which. June was his angel. Yes, he always had his flings but he had always had June to fall back on - the only constant in his life. 

Its been another hectic 2 weeks. I had to arrange the funeral on my own. Dan is a wreck. But June is finally laid to rest. I now had to go to her apartment to pick up her personal things. Oh there are lots of stuff! The owner whom have loved June - said I could take my time. She has no plans to let this apartment out anytime soon. I have decided to sort out what is really of June's memories & what's not. I have read many of her accomplishments, seen her rewards & recognition. Met many of her friends. Yes, she has done well on her own.

It is on the 3rd day that I found her note. Her note of despair.  Her note that she is not wanted. Even the person doing the wrong things is wanted, her life spent on doing all the right things, the good things is not wanted. Mainly, she was disappointed in me - the person she supported the most, the person whom she believe will do the right thing. Yet I have let April 'do' Tim for the past few months, no words of reprisal on such a big wrongdoing. She was able to accept toys that April do not like, the special attention April gets or even the unconditional love that April gets but the silent approval of April's sleeping with her sister's boyfriend? She couldn't take it as she has written. She don't need to be in a place where people take her for granted. She does not need to be in a place where she is not appreciated. She does not need to in a place where she is treated second best. 

I cried, and cried for the longest time. Yet I can't find myself being angry with April. June has taken her life because I have chosen to side the evil. I am blinded, blinded by my own evil nature. June is not mine. June is Dan's first love's child. My instinct is for the best for my child. June can be the angel and April the Satan soldier - but I just can't choose right over wrong because the wrong is my child.

June has done all the right things all her life but has done one biggest wrong in her life. Taking away her beautiful life.

June has done a lot of good, touched many & learn a lot in the process - yet she didn't see this as it were. Some humans are just evil by nature. My evil nature of loving the wrong one-the evil one, is only but natural.